inhuman

I
am
pretty
much
destroyed.

I told everyone that I was ok. I think that might be a lie. Truth is, I'm so upset, so very upset.
I wish that I could have prevented this somehow. Maybe I could have, maybe not. I guess it doesn't make a difference at this point.
I mean, I always wondered what it was like to be single again, it had been so long since I had been single at all. Ontop of sadness, is this fear, like I don't know what to do with myself, especially around guys. Its like, flirting a bit is ok, but then I just think of him.

Like when I'm busy, I'm ok, but as soon as my mind isn't occupied I just crumble. Like right now...I was ok most of the day but I got home from a study group and I saw that he had taken me out of his facebook page. It's sad that in this day and age facebook is involved in this but its true. I just...can't handle all the girls rushing to console him, his mother telling him to call and what is the scarist thing is the relationship status: single.

I kind of feel like a part of person right now...like I can just watch from the sidelines while life does its thing. I know that I have responsibilities, I have school work that I can't ignore, but I want to just drift. And I want a hug. And I want someone's shoulder to cry on, instead of my questionably clean blanket and tissues. I want to talk to my mom but I have nothing to say about it. And I am trying to convince myself that I'm too old to just call my mother and cry over the phone. Kind of expensive anyways.

Its like being in a pit. Its dark and scary and I know that eventually, someone is going to throw a rope down to me but how long until this proverbial rescue?

3 days?
9 weeks?

Who knows. Ihope sooner rather then later but right now I have to distract myself. I need my eyes to go back to their normal state before I can go get dinner. I don't really want my roommates to see how upset I actually am.

Peace folkies. I hope your weekend was better then mine.

I think I'm turing back into a twelve year old. No, seriously.

How did I come by this? I've ust noticed that my former loatheing of typing slang (i.e. - U, L8er, <3, Mah etc.) is starting to fail me. UGH. I started USING some of these THINGS that are destrying the english language. (Not like it ever made much sense anyway. Ask any ESL student).

Anyways according to the rate this happens at and my lack of updates, my next post will likely be something along the lines of:

"OMG sup? Guess Wut? i'm in <3 with Billy!!!!!11!1 LOLZCATZ!!"

Anyways.

I have currently been in the midst of a ...quarter life crisis(?)...well assuming I live to 80. But now it is all figured out. I'm going to be a respiratory therapist. *everyone cheers*

Also. I've been having an addiction to a new, strong nerd-crack: Dragonball Z.
I know. I know. "But your 20!"
Still the best show in the world. Seriously. Vegeta, You are awesome.

This has led to finding Chris Sabat and Sonny Strait on youtube. Damn. You guys are awesome, and suddenly voice acting seems like a good career path. Don't worry, I don't have a day-job to quit. (Ask me again in April.)

hehe. man. I love being a geek. ALSO:

I visited my sister in Edmonton over the long weekend and went shopping in Canada's largest mall. I finally got a vest. I've been lusting after vests for like a year but could never find a nice one. Ugh. Thank you Le Chatue. (It's not like I needed that 70 bucks for food or anything. heh.) I also got a nice blouse from Rickies because I need it for a formal thinger (hospital tour) tommorow.

Well I may have go over-board on the hospital tour outfit but meh. Every girl needs something classic looking right?

Song of the Day:

Stripped by Shiny Toy Guns
Deep and Beautiful and stuff. I can't get over this one, I love it...

ugh. well. I guess i should go. Its nearly 141am and still have like 4.5 chapters to read for my midterm tommorow. (damn you Comp 100, DAMN YOU!)


XOXO
~K